‘I took a deep breath and listened to the old brag of my heart: I am GUILTY, I am GUILTY, I am GUILTY…’

Thanks Sylvia Plath.

Guilt. That is the overwhelming emotional wave I am riding right now. I feel guilty about everything – the things I can change and the things I cannot.

I am guilty about being happy that I have not gained much weight.

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I am guilty about working even though I feel like I am about to collapse.

I am guilty when I do take time off work because I feel as though I am using my pregnancy as an excuse (even though I’m not).

I am guilty for not feeling a deeper connection with my baby. I feel nothing. Nothing at all.

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I am guilty that I am not happier about my pregnancy when so many women struggle to fall pregnant.

Contrary to most depictions of expectant mothers on TV and movies I am not basking in a ‘new mother glow’. I am just scared and I am guilty.