Don’t say this to a pregnant woman…

“There is only really one golden rule for talking to pregnant women and it’s so very simple”

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Some people are not sure what to say to a pregnant woman.

Well, I’m here to help you out.

Now, you’ll no doubt here a string of confusing advice as to how to broach certain topics but I’m not into that kind of psychoanalytical crap.

There is only really one golden rule for talking to pregnant women and it’s so very simple.

Wanna know what it is?

Ok, here goes: Don’t be a dick.

Yup, that’s it.

Let’s put this into play, shall we?

EXAMPLE ONE:

Say you see a woman taking a large amount of food from a buffett and for some reason decide to disregard all good social etiquette and tell her (jokingly, because you’re actually the funniest person in the office, right?): “I hope that isn’t all for you!”

What if it is though? What if she’s hungry? What if she’s craving twenty baklavas? What if she’s just had a major depressive episode about her unborn child and eating ‘all this food’ will help her feel normal again? Do you have the answers to these questions? You don’t? Then don’t presume to know them.

Verdict: Saying something about how much food a pregnancy woman is or isn’t eating is a dick move. If you do it, you will look like a dick.

EXAMPLE TWO:

Remember that old advice your mother drilled into you about never asking a woman her age? Yeah, this is kind of the same thing, except not really, because in this case you’re dealing with a woman who is currently battling hoards of hormones that can turn her into a paranoid psychotic or a bubbling mess at the drop of a hat.

Never try to guess how far along a pregnant woman is.

“Let me guess!”

No, don’t. For the love of god, don’t.

Thanks to society’s repulsive fixation with females and their weight, pregnant women are also feeling the pressure to stay small.

The notion of staying small, of taking up less space, of being petit and tiny is something women have had to contest with their whole lives. Big is not beautiful, honey.

Sadly, the same thought keeps repeating itself throughout a woman’s life – with pregnancy being no different.

“You look great – you can’t even tell you’re pregnant from behind!”

“Gee,  you’re so tiny! You look great!”

Small…

Smaller…

Smallest…

Keep the space around your sparse. Create a human but don’t take up too much room.

Anyway, I digress ever so slightly.

Verdict: Don’t ever fucking comment on a pregnant woman’s belly. Don’t. Ever. It’s a mega dick move.